October 15 is celebrated in many countries as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day to reflect on pregnancy loss and infant death, which includes, but is not limited to, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, and the death of a newborn.
Pregistry interviewed singer and songwriter Shelby Dirrim, from Nashville, to mark this Day and her new single “Too Wonderful (Asher’s Song)” which you can watch at the end of this article.
Pregistry: Tell us a little more about Asher’s story.
Shelby: On April 11, 2016, my dear friends welcomed their first born son, Asher Joseph Ley, into the world. He had a beautiful head of red, curly hair and the perfect number of fingers and toes. Even though Asher was only 35 weeks old, his parents, family and friends had already fallen madly in love with him. However, the time they had with him was uncommonly short.
Asher was a stillborn. The cause of his death was a true knot in the cord–something random and unpreventable. After being delivered by C-section, his parents were able to keep him in their arms for 29 hours. During that time, Asher also met all of his immediate family members who showered him with hugs, smiles, tears and kisses.
Even though this time was incredibly difficult, Asher made many happy memories. Thanks to a photographer who kindly donated her time, Asher’s parents were given 500 photos with their precious baby boy. These pictures, the same ones featured in the lyric video for “Too Wonderful (Asher’s Song)”, have now been seen by over 19,000 people.
“Too Wonderful (Asher’s Song)” is helping to break the silence surrounding miscarriages and stillborns while comforting those who have experienced the loss of a child.
Pregistry: Why were you inspired to write “Too Wonderful”?
Shelby: It’s difficult to watch someone you love grieve. As a friend, I too felt many of the same emotions of shock, pain, and overwhelming sadness. “Too Wonderful (Asher’s Song)” came as a result of those feelings. Miscarriages and infant loss are difficult topics to discuss openly, and because of that, many don’t know how or what to say to a loved one going through this specific loss, let alone how to grieve themselves. Asher’s Song is meant to be a comfort for those processing their grief and remembering their own little angels.
Pregistry: How do you think we (you, us, and others) can help families who go through a pregnancy loss?
Shelby: If you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage or infant loss, the most important thing is to acknowledge that this baby (no matter how far along) was just that: a baby. A unique person. Many are quick to say “It’s okay, you’ll have another baby eventually.” But, these are not the words parents and families need to hear so soon. They need the re-assurance and understanding that they are grieving a specific member of their family. If the baby had a name, don’t be afraid to say it. Parents will love hearing their child’s name from others. It will give them affirmation of the bond they shared with the baby and a unique sense of comforted closure.
Pregistry: What’s you final message for pregnant moms and recent mothers who follow Pregistry?
Shelby: To all expecting and new mothers: SOAK UP EVERY MOMENT. From the swollen feet and sleepless nights to the poop-stained blankets, you are experiencing something truly miraculous. Bringing life into the world can be worrisome and stressful, but at the end of the day (even if it’s just for a few weeks in the womb), you have carried angels inside you. That is something you will always carry with you.
A very special project. In loving memory
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Posted by Shelby Dirrim on Thursday, 6 October 2016
The song can be purchased from iTunes. All proceeds will be donated toward families who have experienced miscarriage or infant loss. Thank you!